It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
