i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Randomize
