Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
