Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
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