Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
