things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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