real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
