Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
