i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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