His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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