I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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