I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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