i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
