It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize
