I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Randomize