after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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