Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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