Is it normal to miss your booty call?
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Girls should come with a carfax report
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize