When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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