Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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