Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
