I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
it glows. i had to have it.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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