Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
