this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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