I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
i believe in u and ur pee
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
