aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
