Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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