There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I had to cum in my sink.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
