whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
we're so committed to being not committed
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
