I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
