Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
