try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
