yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
