Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
