i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
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