Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
