It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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