Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
