So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
