i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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