This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
