I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Randomize
