Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
