I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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