why didn't you poke me back
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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