I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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