drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
