We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I touched a dick in church today
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
