I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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