I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
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