are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
