we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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