no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
