You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
