That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
the room spins SO much faster in panama
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
