Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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