I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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