New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
