He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
