Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
