my phone needs a breathalizer
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Randomize
