After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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