Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
