i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
