That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
