if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
