Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
