How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
