I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize